How to forgive someone who hurt me so much

The invisible wound

All of us, at some point in our lives, have felt the stab of a betrayal, an abandonment, a hurtful word or a deep injustice. The pain caused by these wounds is not always visible, but it marks the soul, influences our decisions, our relationships and even the way we look at ourselves.

Forgiving is not an act of weakness, nor does it mean justifying what was done to us. It is, above all, a gift of liberation that we give to ourselves.

Dr. Mario Alonso Puig, surgeon and lecturer, talks about how the mind can make the body sick or heal it. He argues that unresolved emotions, such as resentment, hatred or guilt, end up deteriorating our physical and mental well-being. Holding resentment is like drinking poison in the hope that the other person will get sick.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a declaration of emotional independence.

The burden of resentment

When we decide not to forgive, we literally carry an emotional backpack on our shoulders. That backpack weighs on our backs, but also on our hearts, minds and bodies. As psychiatrist and author David R. Hawkins states, resentment anchors our lower energies, keeping us trapped in states of guilt, fear and sadness.

Sometimes we feel that we cannot forgive because we believe that, if we did, we would be minimizing the damage or betraying ourselves. But in reality, forgiveness does not erase the past: it frees our future.

Why is it so hard to forgive?

The difficulty in forgiving is rooted in several factors:

• The pain still open: Sometimes the wounds have not healed, and forgiveness seems impossible.
• The sense of justice: We believe that the other person must “pay” or acknowledge his or her guilt.
• Victim identity: Without realizing it, we may feel that staying in pain gives us an identity, makes us feel accompanied by the sympathy of others.
• Fear of being vulnerable: Forgiving implies opening the heart again.

Neuroscience researcher Dr. Joe Dispenza explains that each repeated thought creates neural grooves. If we repeat thoughts of anger or hurt, the pathways of resentment are strengthened, making us relive the hurt over and over again as if it were an endless loop.

Breaking that cycle is possible, and it starts with a conscious choice.

The true meaning of forgiveness

To forgive is not to forget. Nor does it mean denying the harm or necessarily reconciling with the one who hurt us.

To forgive is to decide that we no longer want to carry that energy. It is to let go of the need for revenge, for recognition, for external reparation, in order to begin to give ourselves internal healing.

The first step toward profound change is to realize that everything we seek outside, we can actually give ourselves: validation, love, recognition.

The art of liberation

Here I share with you some keys that illuminate the path of forgiveness:

Accepting the pain

We can't heal something we deny. Recognizing that we've been hurt is the first act of self-love.

Understanding the wound

Every destructive action stems from an unhealed internal wound. “Whoever wounds is wounded”, says popular wisdom. Not to justify, but to understand from a broader perspective.

Unhooking the story

We are not what happened to us. We are what we decide to be from it.

Giving meaning to the experience

What did this wound teach me? What aspects of me were strengthened?

Consciously letting go

It can be through a ritual, a burning letter, a liberation meditation, or a symbolic family constellation. The external act helps the soul anchor the internal decision.

Forgiveness in the body

It's no coincidence that when we let go of resentment, we feel lighter, our sleep, our digestion, even our physical pain improves.Neuroplasticity, as Dispenza explains, allows our brain to create new connections. Every time we choose thoughts of peace instead of resentment, we are literally reprogramming our being.

What if I can't forgive?

There are deep wounds that require their own healing rhythm. Don't force it. Sometimes, the first step is simply wanting to forgive... even if you can't yet.

Let's remember that forgiveness is a process, not an instantaneous event. It's a decision we renew every day, with love and patience.

A gift for you

Imagine that every act of forgiveness is a key that opens inner doors. Doors to your joy, to your freedom, to the most luminous version of yourself. No one deserves to have you surrender your peace to their mistake.

Forgiveness is returning to yourself. Forgiveness is remembering that life awaits you, in all its beauty, just beyond the wound.

Closing: A new look

When we let go, we don't forget the path we've traveled, but we do choose to walk more lightly.
We look to the past with compassion and to the future with hope.
Every time we forgive, we honor our strength, our light, our infinite capacity for rebirth.

Today, right now, you can choose to free yourself.
Not for them.
For you.