Envy

Envy: that “green monster” that we all know about

Who hasn't felt envious at some point? That little uncomfortable twinge that comes when someone else has something you want too: success, beauty, peace of mind, a photogenic puppy.... You name it! Envy doesn't discriminate; it appears when you least expect it and, if you don't handle it, it can creep into your relationships, your thoughts and even your dreams.

But, be careful, because envy has two sides: the one who feels it (the envious) and the one who receives it (the envied). Both sides have their history, their dramas, and, let's be honest, their moments of “oh, what a nuisance”. Let's take a closer look at this curious phenomenon.

Possible causes: Where does envy come from?

• Constant comparison: In a world where social media shows us only the perfect (and filtered), it's easy to look at others and think your life doesn't measure up.
• Emotional or material deficiencies: Sometimes, envy is born from what you feel you lack, but be careful, because sometimes we believe that we need more than what is really necessary.
• Low self-esteem: If you don't value what you have or who you are, you will always be looking at what others have with eyes of desire (or frustration).
• Toxic competitiveness: That pressure to be “the best” can lead us to want what others have, not because we need it, but because we fear “falling behind.”

Examples that may sound familiar

You see your co-worker getting promoted and you think, “Why him and not me?”

Your friend posts photos of her dream trip, and all you can think about is your vacation as couch potato streaming Netflix.

Someone shares their perfect relationship on social media, and even though you know no one shows their fights, you feel a strange desire to have what they pretend to have.

We've all been there, and it's okay. We're human. But the important thing isn't so much feeling envy (because it's natural), but what you do with it.

Reflection: Envy as a mirror

Envy, although uncomfortable, can be a great teacher. Every time it shows up, it's showing you something important: a desire, an insecurity, or an aspect of your life that you want to improve. If you learn to listen to it, instead of letting it consume you, you can use it as a compass to grow.

On the other hand, if you are the “envied” one, remember that what others see in you does not always reflect your entire reality. Be grateful for your accomplishments, but keep your feet on the ground. You never know the inner struggles of those who don't seem to be happy for you.

And for a change 😉, here is the constellations' view of envy

Because yes, envy has more layers than we imagine, and family constellations are like a magic magnifying glass that helps us see what's behind the scenes.

Envy often appears as an echo of something deeper. It may be linked to stories we inherited from our ancestors or to imbalances in our family system. For example, a woman who envies her sister-in-law's job success could, without knowing it, be carrying the feeling of injustice that her grandmother experienced when she was unable to fulfill her professional dreams. Or the man who can't bear to see a friend being happy as a couple might be reflecting the pain of a grandfather who lost the love of his life. It's as if these unresolved stories are “stuck” with us, pushing us to feel something we don't always understand. And the most fascinating thing? Sometimes envy is not even hatred, but a hidden longing for belonging or recognition. Each case is like uncovering a family novel full of unexpected twists and turns.

You know, I'm here if you want to find out what's behind your own “green monsters”. Sometimes the road to peace has more stories than we think!

Easy and effective exercise: transforming envy into gratitude

• Identify envy: What do you feel and towards whom? Write it down without judging yourself.
• Ask yourself why: What desire or need is that envy revealing? For example, if you envy a colleague's promotion, you may want to feel valued.
• Find something to be grateful for: Make a list of what you already have in your life that you value (your health, your home, your friends, etc.).
• Transform into action: Use that envy as motivation to move forward. If you want what someone else has, what steps can you take to get it or improve something in your life?

Do this exercise every time you feel stuck in envy, and you'll be amazed at how your perspective changes!

Conclusion: From enemy to ally

Envy doesn't have to be your enemy. It's a natural emotion that, if handled well, can help you grow, appreciate what you have and reconnect with yourself. So, whether you are the envious or the envied, use it to your advantage, and you will see how even that “green monster” can become an ally.